The Boring Part of Adoption

The Paperwork:
All adoptions start with the dreaded paperwork.  If you have been through this process then you understand the horror and pain that comes with this step.  If you haven't, then let me explain.  It is like doing your taxes times 20.  The paperwork asks you every question about your entire life.  We had to fill out paperwork about our financial status, our discipline style, how we were raised, etc.  We had to get physicals for every person in the house to make sure we were all healthy.  On top of that, the majority of this paperwork has to be notarized.  Easy, right???  Not so much.  We had at least 3 of our notarized papers rejected because the notary stamp was wrong in some way.  There was a letter missing on one stamp, another had a number missing, another notary wasn't registered with the state, and so on.  All of the little things that I never imagined would be a problem were what we got hung up on.  At one point, I got a raise so we had to get new notarized paperwork saying that I was making more money now.  We had to put together a dossier, a collection of paperwork, to send to Ethiopia to represent us in court.  This had to be perfect.  We chose to send it to a professional to go over with a fine tooth comb.  It was well worth the extra money for her to look over it.  All of the paperwork took us about 3 or 4 months to complete.  During this time we also had to have a home study done.  Our first home study took about 3 hours.  A case worker came into our home and asked us a ton of questions.  We had to show her our home and what room our baby would be sleeping in.  She took pictures of the inside and outside of our home.  She even interviewed Collette to make sure she was okay with having another baby in our home.
When we finally got all of that done, we submitted it to our agency. On July 1st, 2009 we were put on the official waiting list for a baby from Ethiopia!

The Waitlist:
 The waitlist is different for every country and every adoption.  Being put on the list is like standing in line at an amusement park for the best ride.  You know it will be worth it in the end but the waiting is so boring and tedious.  The average wait time for us was 8-9 months for Ethiopia.  Now, the waitlist is 2-3 years.  It really depends on the age of the child that you are waiting on and what the adoption laws are for that country at that time.  Adoption laws tend to change pretty frequently.  We were so excited to finally be on "the list".  Then the quiet time of adoption starts.  You just wait...           

When Adoption becomes an Option

Every adoption story is different, just like every birth is different. You can ask all of your friends for a recount of their delivery and you will get a unique story every time. Adoption stories are no different. So, here is how ours goes! The Decision: I had a rough pregnancy with Dakota, my six year old. I was nauseous the majority of my pregnancy. I only gained 19lbs, which I got lectured for at every appointment. I had horrible nose bleeds and at 34 weeks I developed Bell's Palsy. The Bell's Palsy cause excruciating pain in my face and all I could take was Tylenol. At 36 weeks and 6 days of pregnancy, my water broke. Luckily, for D, I had been on steroids a few weeks prior to that. He was very healthy for a 36 week baby. My Bell's Palsy took 4 more months to resolve after delivery. I ended up having acupuncture treatments done to help restore function to my face. There were several other things, but you get the picture. I told Troy that I really didn't have any desire to be pregnant again, but I wanted another baby eventually. He agreed with me. We decided that when we were ready to have another baby we would look into adoption. About a year after we had D, we decided to start looking at our options for adoption. There are so many... Domestic, International, Private, DHS, etc. Every option has it's pros and cons. You basically pick the one that you feel works best for your family. We decided to go the international adoption route. We didn't want to do domestic adoption because I have seen those go bad too many times working in L&D. Once you pick international then you have to pick a country. Each country has their own set of adoption laws and guidelines. We were not eligible for several countries because of age, income, or size of our family. At the time, Ethiopia was the most logical choice. It was one of the cheaper countries to adopt from, travel time was a week, and we had several friends who had already adopted from there. Not to mention that their babies are gorgeous!!! The decision to adopt and where to adopt from were the easiest part of this entire process. The Mourning: Mourning? What do you have to mourn at this point? Even though I already had two biological children, I still had to mourn. I grieved over the fact that I would never be pregnant again. I would never breastfeed again. I would never have that sweet newborn to cuddle and kiss. I think this process is what shocked me the most about adoption. In a way, I felt very selfish for thinking this way. I had so many friends who adopted because they never got to have those things in the first place. Here I am, blessed with two beautiful babies and I'm sad because I never get to experience it again...again... I then realized that this is a natural thing to go through no matter how many biological kids you have or don't have. It's normal and it's okay to feel this way. I think you have to go through this in order to open your heart to love a child that isn't from your genes. That might sound harsh, but its true. Sometimes God brings us through hard things to get to the other side with a more open and loving heart. I will post later on the rest of the process. It's will take several posts to get through all of it!

Are we here to win or learn?

I am currently coaching my daughter's 3rd grade basketball team.  No big deal, right?  Wrong... We live in a small town.  Sports are huge no matter what the age.  We currently practice 3, yes 3, nights a week.  Our games are on Saturdays and there is a pre season and post season tournament.  Our girls shoot on a regulation 10ft goal.  There is full court press the entire game which is 2, 20 minute halfs.  We play a variety of teams with varying skill levels.  This year, we have 10 girls on our team that we get to coach and mentor throughout the season.  I really enjoy all of this even though it tends to wear me out. 

So, here is my internal debate with kids sports: Am I coaching these girls to win or to teach them good sportsmanship??? 

Let me just start by saying that I am extremely competitive!!!  I can't even watch a competition without my stomach getting in knots while the two teams battle it out.  You can only imagine how hard it is for me to contain myself during games.  A very strange thing has evolved in me as I have became the coach and not the parent.  I still like to win, but now I am more excited if I see one of my girls blocking out for a rebound or going up for a lay up with perfect form.  I literally get butterflies in my stomach when they are excelling as players.  We had a game last Saturday that we won 28-0.  The girls were getting really excited during the game.  We were trying to calm them down and remind them that as good sports we don't celebrate like that.  Then I would find myself yelling in excitement over a scored basket or a good play.  I had to continue to remind MYSELF that I needed to be a good sport.  My enthusiasm was so hard to control because I wasn't excited about the score.  I was excited that my girls were listening to the things we had taught them. 

After the game I was reflecting on my reactions as a parent vs a coach.  When I was a parent sitting on the bleachers, I looked at the score, the bad calls the refs were making, and how often my child was playing.  My focus was on the team and the game as a whole.  As a coach, I focus on each individual player.  Is she listening to my direction?  Is she growing as a player?  Has she learned the fundamentals she needs to play the game?, etc.  I now see the little things that each girl does on and off the court.  My excitement is for them and their achievements. 

Winning a game is a great high for everyone.  But, like every other high in life, there is a valley.  If we put our focus on the fundamentals and learning then we can truly enjoy all the little moments that come in between the highs. 

I thought being a coach would help my girls learn basketball.  I didn't realize it would teach me how to enjoy the little things in life.  If you ever have the chance to coach or mentor than jump on it.  You will be surprised how your perspective changes.                 

Introducing...

Hi!  My name is Kellie.  I am many things to many people.  Most importantly, I am a Wife, a Mom, a Christian, and an RN in L&D.  I've decided to create this blog to give advise, opinions, and facts about life in general!  I am no expert, by any means, but I have experienced many things over the years that may be helpful to someone.  So, here it goes...

Let's start at the beginning.  I am a born and raised Okie.  I have lived here the entirety of my 32 years.  I love Oklahoma.  Some might question why? or how?  I would tell you that you have to live here to be a believer.  I have been married to my husband, Troy, for almost 11 years.  My husband is from Oregon and he got stuck in Oklahoma when he decided to marry me.  We have 3 beautiful children, Collette-9, Dakota-6, and Elliott-4.  They make our life very interesting and busy.  I wouldn't have it any other way, though.  We live on 10 acres with 3 dogs and all the wild life that you could imagine.  At one point we had 5 goats, 16 chickens, 4 dogs, and a bird.  We have since downsized.  The 3 dogs are way more manageable.  I have been an RN for a little over 5 years now.  The 5 years before that I was a scrub tech in L&D.  The last 5 years I have worked as an RN in L&D and a Pediatric Case Manager at a home health agency.  I absolutely love being a nurse and caring for people.  In my free time, I homeschool my kids, coach 3rd grade basketball, and run the children's ministry at our church. 

After typing all of that, I realized that I sound like a crazy person.  When do I sleep?  Free time?  What's that?  I figure that I can sleep plenty either a) when my kids are older or b) when I die.  You only live once, right?  My free time is very limited.  Luckily, I have an amazing husband who gives me nights off whenever I need them. 

Check back soon.  I am planning on tackling all kinds of interesting issues.  I am looking forward to your feedback on the issues that I bring up.