I am currently coaching my daughter's 3rd grade basketball team. No big deal, right? Wrong... We live in a small town. Sports are huge no matter what the age. We currently practice 3, yes 3, nights a week. Our games are on Saturdays and there is a pre season and post season tournament. Our girls shoot on a regulation 10ft goal. There is full court press the entire game which is 2, 20 minute halfs. We play a variety of teams with varying skill levels. This year, we have 10 girls on our team that we get to coach and mentor throughout the season. I really enjoy all of this even though it tends to wear me out.
So, here is my internal debate with kids sports: Am I coaching these girls to win or to teach them good sportsmanship???
Let me just start by saying that I am extremely competitive!!! I can't even watch a competition without my stomach getting in knots while the two teams battle it out. You can only imagine how hard it is for me to contain myself during games. A very strange thing has evolved in me as I have became the coach and not the parent. I still like to win, but now I am more excited if I see one of my girls blocking out for a rebound or going up for a lay up with perfect form. I literally get butterflies in my stomach when they are excelling as players. We had a game last Saturday that we won 28-0. The girls were getting really excited during the game. We were trying to calm them down and remind them that as good sports we don't celebrate like that. Then I would find myself yelling in excitement over a scored basket or a good play. I had to continue to remind MYSELF that I needed to be a good sport. My enthusiasm was so hard to control because I wasn't excited about the score. I was excited that my girls were listening to the things we had taught them.
After the game I was reflecting on my reactions as a parent vs a coach. When I was a parent sitting on the bleachers, I looked at the score, the bad calls the refs were making, and how often my child was playing. My focus was on the team and the game as a whole. As a coach, I focus on each individual player. Is she listening to my direction? Is she growing as a player? Has she learned the fundamentals she needs to play the game?, etc. I now see the little things that each girl does on and off the court. My excitement is for them and their achievements.
Winning a game is a great high for everyone. But, like every other high in life, there is a valley. If we put our focus on the fundamentals and learning then we can truly enjoy all the little moments that come in between the highs.
I thought being a coach would help my girls learn basketball. I didn't realize it would teach me how to enjoy the little things in life. If you ever have the chance to coach or mentor than jump on it. You will be surprised how your perspective changes.
So cool that you are blogging! I am interested in just about anything that a mom of three blogs about but I am particularly interested (right now =) in following Jesus as a mom - what does that look like for you personally?, what are some specific challenges you are facing right now and how is God leading you through it, and of course your adoption, I would love to read anything you have to say about that whole process. I've never really played or coached sports but I could feel your excitement in this blog. Looking forward to your future blogs =)
ReplyDeleteAppreciated your perspectives on coaching Little League. My kids are both grown now, but I have great memories of coaching Soccer, T-Ball, and Basketball. Although I have opinions on many aspects of coaching, thought I might share with you some thoughts on three of them.
ReplyDeletePlaying time is my passion when it comes to little league. I know you can learn by watching from the bench, or by participating in practice, but I'm pretty sure kids are doing this because they like to play in the games! As a parent, too, I know the pain of watching your kid on the bench, wondering when they are going to get in. During Adam's first year of basketball, the league had a rule that there would be no substitutions during the first or second quarter. That way, all players were assured of playing one full uninterrupted quarter. In the second half coaches could sub as they thought best. It's sad that they had to make a rule to make coaches be considerate with playing time. And as well intentioned as the rule was, I hated it. Sitting on the bench, or watching your child on the bench, for a full quarter is painful. The next year, when I was coach and Adam was in a higher age division that didn't have that rule, I made up my own substitution pattern that I wish every coach would use. We played quarters. Exactly half way through each quarter, everyone on the bench goes in. Every game. Every quarter. Regardless of score. Period. If there was not a stoppage of play within 15 seconds of the midpoint, I would use a time-out to make the change. This pattern removed the #1 issue with parents and players - playing time. Now, the one requirement to make this workable was that we only had 9 players. I was able to plan my substitution patterns in advance, always having a good combination of skill on the court. With nine players, each mass substitution brought four players in, and four players out, so one player stayed in the whole quarter. I would rotate that between four different players, and at the end of the game I planned ahead of time for the best two players to be on the court. With 10 players you lose this ability, so perhaps a alternative could be used to put the best 5 players on the court for the last couple of minutes. But you get the point.
Refs. I distinctly remember sitting in the crowd watching little league basketball, and listening to the parents during the game. If someone did a study, I would guess over 90% of comments were regarding refs calls and/or no-calls. It's embarrassing. I wish I had recorded it and played it back for the parents. Coaches have little control over this, other than bringing it to their attention at parents meetings. But what a coach can do is to basically ignore the refs. The refs are not going to change the calls, and the more a coach responds to a call the more the players are going to respond, and the parents are going to respond. Once a call is made, the coach and the players should immediately concern themselves with what happens next. Getting back on defense, getting to the proper spots for the free throw, etc. The younger the players, the more time you need to do what comes next. Parents and coaches should also consider what is discussed in the car on the way home after the game? If it is the refs, then our focus is misdirected.
Leave it on the court (field): Saw an old friend a while back that I used to play men's league basketball with. It had been years since we had seen each other. But he told me that he appreciated the way I always "left it on the court". Didn't know I did that then, but I sure try to do it now. So, as players and coaches, I firmly believe that after the game, no matter what happens during the game, no matter how bad the ref is (not that I would ever notice), no matter how rough the other team was, no matter how big of jerk the other coach was (for yelling at the ref the whole game), you extend your hand and tell them good game. Every game. Every player. Every coach. Every referee.